I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
