i was born a porn star she said
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
