Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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