Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
