it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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