I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
