You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
