I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
