I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
