Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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