dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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