The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
