why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
