yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
