I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
