do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
