He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
