so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
