my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
