saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
