is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize