I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
