I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
