i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
