Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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