were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
