Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
