You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
