I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize