I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
