high people should be assigned attendants
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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