How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
