Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
