And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
