sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
