fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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