wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
