He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
