my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
