Me too!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
