He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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