I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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