i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
