So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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