Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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