On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize