Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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