Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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