Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize