I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
