This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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