i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
