Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
