my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
