You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
