I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You've changed since you got that strap on
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
