I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We need to get me chipped asap
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
