trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
