first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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