I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
