I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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