i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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