I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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