i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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