I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
one might say we're banned from that church
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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