Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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