Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize