there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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