you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
please come you make the beer taste better
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
