I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
