it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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