I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
