How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
