Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
