Ambien. No doubt about it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
