pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
