can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize