Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
