You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
