What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
