i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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