and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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