does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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