Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
