yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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