I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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