i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
