Fuck appropriateness.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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