take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
