This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
