i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
