You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize