Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
