I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
