Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
