I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize