Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
