my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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