I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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