this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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