I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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