mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
