oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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