video games are the ultimate cock blocker
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
