I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
