i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
