good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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