having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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