And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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