I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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