Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
