He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
