I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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