just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize