Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
