I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
sex in a hospital.. check
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
