Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
third nipple confirmed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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