Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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