I'm lost and stupid without you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize