i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
