Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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