Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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