i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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