Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
