Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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