Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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