I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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