So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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