"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
